October 19, 2021

That Thing Called Life

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How to Handle a Lover’s Betrayal?



Betrayal:  How to Handle a Lover’s Betrayal

How to handle a lover’s betrayal?  This is a very tough but very good question.  If you have ever been betrayed by someone you love and thought that they love you just as much.  You trusted and believed that they would never do anything to hurt you; then you can relate to this post.  Being done wrong by an enemy you can deal with because you don’t expect them to want the best for you.  However, when you are betrayed by someone close to you, it does something to your core.  It will change you.  Seriously!

What is betrayal?

Betrayal is the breaking or violation of a presumptive contracttrust, or confidence by that produces moral and psychological conflict within a relationship amongst individuals, between organizations or between individuals and organizations. Often betrayal is the act of supporting a rival group, or it is a complete break from previously decided upon or presumed norms by one party from the others. Someone who betrays others is commonly called a traitor or betrayer.

What are some feeling when dealing with being betrayed?

NOTE:  These are definitely not all of the feelings.  You may just want to spaz and physically hurt someone, but that is never the answer.  Violence definitely occurs when you are operating in the flesh and not the spirit.

  • Anger/rage
  • Sadness
  • Confusion
  • Devastation
  • Disbelief
  • Shame
  • Pain, pain, pain

How should you deal with betrayal?

  • Pray in the spirit for guidance, clarity, and understanding. Never deal with issues from a fleshy standpoint because the flesh is emotional and more issues will come forth
  • Be open to listen to the ‘why’ or their excuse that is given for the betrayal
  • Process the information and determine what your role is in the situation. Yes, you may definitely have a role in the situation.  Not excusing the behavior, but you need to know so that things can be completely resolved
  • Make a decision on next steps and how to move forward with or without the person. If you keep the person in your life, there has to be a plan of action to move forward and boundaries set.  You can’t decide to keep the person in your life just to mistreat them on some revenge mess.  I have learned that one betrayal can be enough for real but you never just throw people away.  However, that doesn’t mean that they have the same position/access in your life moving forward
  • Forgive them and forgive yourself – Scripture: Matthew 18 Verse 21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother who sins against me? Up to seven times?” 22Jesus answered, “I tell you, not just seven times, but seventy-seven times!  NOTE:  You’re supposed to forgive folk, but there is also scripture that says that you have to protect your heart.  We all need more discernment in our lives

Like I said being betrayed by someone close to you will absolutely change you, but it is up to you how it changes you.  Will you let if make you become cold, bitter, or vindictive?  Or will you let it teach you something for your good, allowing you to grow, making into a better person?  I chose for betrayal to make be better and not bitter because I have power and control over my life.  I will not give anyone power so that I will become a miserable being.  Absolutely not!

Remember betrayal is a test that is sent to make you a better you.  Don’t allow the test to be the end all be all – learn and shift.  By the way, I have not only been betrayed but I have betrayed.  So if you have betrayed you need to figure out how to change the behavior that led you to betray.

Best Wishes!




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