Words get so twisted when your mind is stuck in the past. I am telling you from my own experience and mental limitation that I had within myself. Let me explain what I mean.
How many times have you had a “discussion” with your significant other and it turned into a bigger issue than it had to be. I absolutely have been there. Been in a space where I couldn’t hear his point of view or didn’t want to hear his point of view – one or the other. I would zone out because something said would trigger an emotion which took me to a different place and it was all downhill from that point. Say you guys had a situation where your partner cheated. You guys work through the situation and decided to stay together and you say you forgive (but of course trust will need to be built again). One day you call your partner and they don’t return your call for hours. When they call you, they explain the situation. However, instead of being open and listening you already have in your mind that they were doing the wrong thing. Now you have a hostile situation where: your partner is trying to defend themselves; you are angry and hurt; you are possibly shutting down; they are possibly shutting down; both of you may start to wonder why you stayed together.
Words get twisted when the mind is stuck in the past. I am telling something good. Do you see how things can spiral out of control? Do you see how the pain can distort the efforts and what’s being said? The person was caught up handling some business and you have them in a whole other relationship with someone else. You think they are lying all the time. Nothing they say or do to improve the relationship is good enough. If you won’t let them be great with you, then let them go so they can be great with someone else. That’s real talk for you!!!
Now let me be clear, I am not saying that if the behavior that got your relationship to a bad space doesn’t change that you should fight for it. I am saying if you decided to work together to get through the rough patch in your relationship, then do that and stop holding what happened against the person when they are making an effort to improve and be transparent to you.
I didn’t recognize that I was still holding onto baggage from the past or that I never really forgave anyone for anything that they did to me. I may have said it out of my mouth, but I was holding the pain in my heart. It wasn’t until I began my journey to gain a closer relationship with God, that I knew that I was harboring a lot of things that ruined a lot of my relationships. You have to pray and forgive – even if you can’t make it work. If you can’t communicate with your partner, the road to a strong and successful relationship is going to be extremely hard (if the relationship survives). You have to deal with your baggage and let the things they may have done to hurt you go. If you decided to stay with them after the issue, then don’t keep punishing them for what happened. Stop twisting situations and words with your mind because of the past. Focus on the present and keep pushing forward.
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