This is Me!
The first song from the soundtrack of my life I selected was Fantasia’s – This is me (check out the song at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JypU0rWFYMs). This song resonates because the meaning of the song to me is about someone coming from humble beginnings, trying to make something out of their life in spite of what people may say or think of them.
“I’m just a girl tryna make a way
It gets so hard but I’ll be okay
I don’t really care what the people say
‘Cause this is me”
There is so much I have been through in my life: from growing up in the hood; parents dealing with addiction problems; moving from place to place during my late teenage years; being shot in the eleventh grade; trying to figure out who I am; and finally accepting/loving myself regardless of others opinions. All of this (plus more I will discuss at another time) in the first 20 years of my life. Sheesh – this is me.
My childhood wasn’t bad for real, we had love and the things we needed. We really had some good times and so many memories. It is funny when I hip my teenage son to something, he is always shocked. He forgets that I grew up in the city – the District of Columbia to be exact. I grew up in a time when crack cocaine ripped through the city. There was so much killing, shooting, crime, etc. I have seen a lot (as you can imagine). Seen a lot and done a lot. I made it out of there, I am thankful.
As a young child, I spent time by myself. I used this time to create. I would draw, write, dream, and build/create things. During this time, I thought I wanted to be a corporate lawyer. I quickly realized that I only wanted to be a lawyer because that was what others thought I should be. I knew all the time making things brought me great joy, if only I found the heart to share my gifts with the world early on. I was a shy child around people I didn’t know. I wasn’t shy around my friends though – lol. We had a ball. However, being shy delayed my creative process/progress.
When I got to high school, I joined the best marching band in DC – Eastern Senior High School Blue and White Marching Machines. It was the best experience in the world, we were like family. We spent tons on time together, traveled together, and we grew together. When I was in practice or in a parade or on the field, I zoned out. I didn’t care who was around me because this was my creative expression. Although I didn’t play an instrument (I was a flag girl), I found my love for music in that band. I found out a lot about myself, and people, in that band.
As an adult, I made my share of mistakes. I realized that everyone makes mistakes and it is okay. If you learn the lesson and move forward, it doesn’t matter what people think or say. I figured out that I needed to be strong and independent. I knew from experience that there wouldn’t be many people I could depend on. I realized that I am enough. I realized that I don’t need anyone to define me. I realized that I have great things/gifts to share with the world. I realized that I don’t have to accept what people tell me or their thoughts or opinions. I realized and appreciate the fact that this is me, and I love who I am. THIS IS ME!!!
“No one really knows the whole truth
(The whole truth about me)
And no one’s had to live in my life
(Then they would know it ain’t easy)
Made my share of mistakes, that’s alright
‘Cause I’m not gonna be afraid no more
‘Cause this is me
And I won’t hide who I am”
As you can see, I embrace everything that I have experienced. Never will I ever be embarrassed or ashamed of my background. All of it has made me who I am today. Always remember that the worst tragedy in life is to see talent wasted, never give up and believe in yourself.