I just realized (well not really) that I have not written a post since November 6th. Yes, that is 50 days passing without me sharing my life experiences. Well I have been overwhelmed with work, pursuit of my dreams, and life in general. Let me take you through some of the shenanigans. Please note: I never play victim – I am victorious!
I always seem to given very challenging project (well all projects have their own set of challenges). Some of the people I work with were not completing their task as agreed. I’ve been written up because I was not pushing said people to get their work done; therefore, the overall project delivered suffered. Not to mention juggling upward of five different projects at one time, the endless paperwork, reports, and meetings. Where is the time to manage a project if you are constantly reacting to issues, especially when you are distracted?
I have never been the one to play victim so I had to be honest and accept the role I played in the whole situation at work. I recognized my faults and worked to address my shortcomings. If it meant getting management involved in a situation or communicating more effectively, that is what I will do. I am very thankful for how far I have grown in my career, and will continue to grow. I am victorious!
Pursuit of my dreams
I made the decision to stop doing anything with fashion and focus strictly on music. I started working with a couple of local rap artist in a management capacity (there were issues – I will talk about this). I stopped designing and started writing more and researching everything there is to know about music and music publishing and management. The fire was there but I felt there was something missing, it just didn’t feel 100% rights.
I will not play victim because I could not make up my mind on the direction I want to go in my life because we all have to make decisions that may be uncomfortable. We all have choices. So I had to be honest, I have been struggling with the fact that I have two dreams/passions (fashion design, music). I had to be honest with the fact that I love both of these things equally and with the same fire burning within me. I also need to be honest with the fact that I don’t have to sacrifice one for the other. I am victorious!
Over this year, I have had family and friends that I thought would be in my corner to support and encourage me. Family and friends that I thought would believe in me and my dreams. I allowed the thought or should I say guilt of me pursuing my dreams would take away from my family stop me from taking various actions. People I thought were friends lied to me for no reason (so now they are cut off). This turmoil caused me to become physically ill (having dizzy spells and stomach issues). There have been situations where I wanted to walk away and give up but I stood strong.
I never will play victim because people are in your life for various purposes: a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I recognize again the role that I played in the various situations; not expressing my love and appreciation, not picking up the phone and calling people just to say hi, not expressing my feelings because I didn’t want to hurt other people’s feelings, etc. I know now that it is what it is and I can say what the heck I want to say and do what is on my heart to do. By me not being fulfilled, it did not allow me to pour love into and nurture my relationships.
What is next for me?
While going through all of this, I did start to push to reach my dreams. I established my music publishing company. I had one of my songs recorded by an artist. I started back designing (completed two projects – one which for a client/friend). I have had so many ideas and dreams and thoughts and desires. I recognized that all three of the struggles all steam from me not being able to fully pursue my dreams. I couldn’t focus on my work, I had conflict between two dreams, and I don’t have the support of some family and friends.
The thought of me hurting others because of my decisions has driven me to not push for what I want. I will never play victim – I am victorious because I know that I have to consider my wellbeing in every scenario. It is not okay to do for other what you will not do for yourself. Be honest with yourself and be victorious!