NOTE: this post can be applied to any relationship (friends, lovers, family). To me this is a very interesting topic. One reason is over the years I’ve had some great friendships, some of which do not exist today and I have no answer. The second reason is that if I am being very honest I am not sure if I know how to be a good friend – shocking huh!
What is the meaning of friend? A friend is a person known well to another and regarded with liking, affection, and loyalty. Friendships have the following characteristics: affection, sympathy, empathy, honesty, altruism, mutual understanding and compassion, enjoyment of each other’s company, trust, and the ability to be oneself, express one’s feelings, and make mistakes without fear of judgment from the friend.
A friend said to me one day, after not speaking for years, “Dag Tashia, you like disappeared from the face of the earth.” Funny, this person also told me I was on an ego trip after I stopped talking to them because they told me not to speak to them. Go figure. Well my response of course was, you did not send out the search party. I know I always have something smart to say. Ha! Seriously though, I chalk the attitude/approach up to burying my emotions which allows me to become detached. I make up nonexistent reasons for no longer talking to someone. Crazy/cold, I know (I am a work in progress).
But seriously, one statement always pops in my head when it comes to friendships (or any relationship for a matter of fact) – a person that really wants to be in your life will always make time for you. Another thing about true friendships/relationships, it’s never kept a secret. There should never be any lame excuses when you want to hang out; such as:
- Oh, I am going out of town and just found out yesterday. Really, you can roll out at any given moment. Just be real, you do not want to be around the person. If that is the case, that’s not a friend.
- That activity doesn’t interest me. All relationships are about give and take. True as friends you should share some of the same interest, but do not shoot down every activity your friend wants to do. I bet you expect that same friend to be excited to do what you want to do (which they probably would partake in the activity because they are a friend).
- I don’t what to commit to what you have planned because that is a special day for me and I don’t know what I am going to do yet (in other words, you are hoping that you boyfriend takes you out for your special day).Ha and you still not going to be doing anything on your special day. Now you are going to have to lie about it because you do not want to admit that your hopeful plans did not work out.
- I did not think you wanted to go to my family’s gathering. No, you did not want your friend to attend the function. If your lover told you that, there was someone at the gathering that they did not want you to meet. Someone like their real girlfriend or boyfriend. Maybe someone they are interested in getting to know (what’s that saying; you never bring sand to the beach).
I can go on and on about this topic, and honestly I have made and heard some of these excuses (someone said it to me or by talking with someone concerning a situation). We all have to realize that everyone in your life is not meant to be there. They always say people come into your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime. We tend to hold onto those reason and seasonal folks for far too long. If you have to continuously make excuses of why you remain friends, there is a problem. Let them go to make room for new friendships or to nurture existing ones. You know something that irritates me; when someone says no new friends. I myself am open to making new connections. You never know what experiences will unfold for you. Be open!
If I wasn’t trying to address my issues (and help someone in the process), this post would not have been written. I don’t know about you but I want true lifelong friendships.